The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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