i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
