..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
