How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
