I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
