it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
