Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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