Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize