i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
