i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
it's like heaven, but drunker
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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