we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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