I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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