He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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