if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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