those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
