It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
