Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
