Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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