i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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