that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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