after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You ruined the universe
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
