I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
