My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
