dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
