I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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