Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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