At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
