M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
