No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
