Kiss
Puke
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
