I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My penis needs a shock collar
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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