Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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