I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
