Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
