Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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