I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
