...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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