i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
