shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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