'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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