umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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