dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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