i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize