If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
