im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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