if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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