just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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