i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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