is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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