I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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