Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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