I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
