This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
