do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
