3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
