So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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