capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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