My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
