she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
