booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
two words...techno handjob
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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