i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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