WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
