Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
