The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
