I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
