I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
