I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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