He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
