Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
