Pants 0. Shit 1.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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