thus making me awesome and them whores
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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