Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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