who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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