you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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