i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize