At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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