There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
