My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
