OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
