yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
